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 I just don't know.
 

sadness Pictures, Images and Photos

 I haven't posted on here in almost a year.

I've missed it.

I don't think

I can take care of anyone anymore,

including myself.

I'm tired.

I'm drained.

 I'm not perfect.

Everyone thinks that of me,

except me.

 

Please let me rest.

 

sadness Pictures, Images and Photos

 

~Nursey~

Posted by Nursey at 3:51 AM - 1 Comment   Add a Comment  
 

 Inner Demons
 

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My life has been filled with people suffering from addiction, mental illness, and depression. I grew up with disappointments, too many to count.

When I was young, I lived with the idea I had 2 Dad's and 2 Mom's. One being nurturing, supportive, and fun. The other being unpredictable, absent, and sometimes abusive.

Although I have never suffered from addiction I live with my own demons. People closest to me understand "my ways." The anxiety and compulsive disorder I struggle with.

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Would I have been different in a more stable environment?

Call it enabling or codependency, I wouldn't want to be anyone else but who I am. The life I've lead has been a journey of forgiving, understanding, and acceptance.

I can not  judge.

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The Rocky Path

Go along your rocky path.

As you take the steps further away,

Into your darkness ,

I know you will run back to me with open arms.

I will understand, I will accept you.

Because you are in there.

Fighting your demons, fighting your tears.

Regrets, sadness, anger.

Again, the rocky path will call you.

Taking the journey into your personal darkness,

Be strong, you are loved.

 

~Nursey~


Posted by Nursey at 4:21 PM - 11 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 The Death of a Marriage
 

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The marriage begins with love and dreams of building a future.  

To have and to hold,

From this day forward,

For better, for worse,

For richer, for poorer,

In sickness and in health,

To love and to cherish,

'Till death do us part."

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The Death of a Marriage

I can't pick the moment, the day, or even the year. It was a slow process filled with disappointments, arguments, and choices that lead to the death.

Not trying, not giving, not caring.

The opposite of love is indifference.

The arguing stopped about 2 years before the end of the marriage. We didn't even care enough to fight.

We carried on separate lives. I told him several times that I would be leaving. Nothing changed.

The orders came for us to relocate. We had lived in Nebraska for 11 years. I had a job, friends, a life here. His orders were for a base in North Dakota located in a missile field 20 miles from civilization.

After a lengthy illness, the marriage died.....

I panicked, the thought of moving to a remote area felt like a prison sentence. He had always been possessive, paranoid, and controlling.

I lived life by his "rules." No phone calls after 10 p.m., no lunch with friends, he would check the mileage on my car, and even had me followed on a few occasions.

I stayed in Nebraska, he moved on.

I just couldn't do it.

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All of my real successes came after the death of my marriage. My nursing career, I purchased my home, I met Hook.

We discussed marriage this past weekend.

After 8 years  we still argue, we still love, we still laugh.

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Maybe it's time.

~Nursey~

Posted by Nursey at 6:00 PM - 9 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Promise
 

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Our journey is without a destination.

Sharing our dreams, our triumphs, and our sorrows.

Hand in hand we walk towards the future.

Each moment a treasure, each day a gift.

I have no idea where we may end up,

but I promise we will be together.

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Always

~Nursey~

When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew.

~Romeo and Juliet~

Posted by Nursey at 12:54 AM - 4 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Can you see me?
 

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We only let the world see fragments of who we really are.

We view ourselves differently than others see us.

 

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Can you see me?

I can make you laugh while I'm crying inside.

I can love you with all of my heart and fear being alone.

I can demand respect while my knees tremble.

I can care for you while you weaken then let you pass onto your next journey.

I can be strong and enduring and my heart remains fragile.

I can be compassionate and kind among all the cruelity in the world.

I can share my spirit one word at a time.

Can you see me?

 

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~Nursey~

Posted by Nursey at 2:32 AM - 11 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
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Author: Nursey
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